| (no subject) |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|03:12 pm] |
| [ | I Feel... |
| |  "melodramadic" | ] |
the words i say are always misconstrued.
the life i lead is a mere fasad.
there's nothing left from here-
except to hope that the other side is not as bad. |
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| don't read this.. |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|12:15 pm] |
| [ | I Feel... |
| | catatonic | ] |
you know. the past idk. 2 and half years. yeah. they've been hard. i'll never fully get over it. but they say you never forget your first love, so i'm hoping that eventually it stops hurting.
i was never the perfect girlfriend, and i know that. but.. really if you put up with me for 3 years it couldn't have been that bad.
i'll never be the perfect person, i'll never grow out of my addictions. i'll always be needy. i'll always be selfish. i'll always need somebody there for me.
i tried to be your friend. it for a little while. it was good. until i constantly get her thrown in my face. as much as you think that i 'hate' her, i'm merely a female. and she took what was mine. i'm allowed to have ill feelings towards her. doesn't mean that i hate her.
she was your goddess and i was your fuck up.
i don't know how else to put it.
but i can't continue to be friends with you because it hurts me too much. i constantly worry about you, and that will never change. i'll always care about you, and, unfortunately i don't think i'll ever stop loving you.
all these reasons combined along with us not being able to have a normal conversation because either you're drunk or one of us is having a bad day... the reasons our relationship failed (as much as you want to put all the blame on me), are the same reasons our friendship can't continue.
"too much hurt one person caused. yet. letting that one person go. hurts the most."
i am sorry that she left without telling you goodbye, i know you're upset. i knew something was bothering you yesterday that's why i got off of work, and called you... and i really hate it that i sense when you're hurting. because it hurts me too.
we don't work. plain and simple. we both know this. you don't care about me like i care about you. we both know this.
this will be easier for you than it will be for me.
you say you "need a friend".. you know how to get in contact with me if you need anything...... |
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| hmmm |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|11:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Knoxville, TN | ] |
| [ | I Feel... |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | I'm Listening to |
| | Ecstasy by ATB | ] |
hmmm, I let most of the year go by without posting. Not good. Ok, so long story short if I can. I am working on a paper to publish after all the data analysis I have been doing the past year. It's a lot of work but in the end I think we will have some good physics to report.
To sum up the trips this year, I visited Diana in Tallahassee in March. Next, we (the fellow physicists and I) went to Grand Rapids, Michigan for a conference. I gave a five minute talk previewing my poster. It was my first talk at a conference and I think it went well. A lot of people came to see my poster. Ok that was in May. In July James and I went to the Biltmore estate in North Carolina. Very fascinating mansion built by the Vanderbilts at the turn of the 20th century. Very impressive house, including the garden and green house next to it. Summer went well, I got to visit Diana and her family in Naples and Lakeland, Florida. We also went to Disney world, always fun.
In the fall the other physicists and I went to a conference on the big island of Hawaii for a week. Beautiful place of course, we saw lava flowing into the ocean at night and later we got to see this beautiful place called Pololu valley with a black sand beach too. I gave a 12 minute talk at this conference with questions at the end. I wasn't that nervous and the questions went mostly well. I am happy with the outcome. After that, around Halloween, we went to a one day workshop at Los Alamos lab in New Mexico. It is also a beautiful state but contrary to what people may think it was in fact very cold and snowy there. Still loved it.
Ok then Thanksgiving came and went and now Christmas approaches. I got a hot athletes calendar from Diana, I will treasure it all year long haha. Starting right after new years I am going on a trip to Norway, my first foreign trip. It is for a week long winter school on nuclear theory, so I will have to brush up on my nuclear theory notes. Pictures of Hawaii are on facebook and the Norway ones will of course go there too. More later! |
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| christmas is coming! |
[Dec. 19th, 2009|09:02 am] |
aaaaaaaaaand I'm excited
the other day I was home after work and nothing was on tv and dan wasn't home yet so I decided to make christmas cookies. THREE AND A HALF HOURS LATER I was done. at least they're tasty. :)
I got to work before 7am on tuesday and thursday of this week. Tuesday to help out because the water was going to be shut off (but mistakes were made so that help was not needed and everyone was called in unnecessarily early UGH) and Thursday to give an inservice on domestic violence. I spoke to all three shifts (7:15, 2:30, and 3:00) and everyone was attentive, receptive, and respectful. YAY.
It was nice having monday off BUT monday is my catch-up day for the week so not having that was sort of bleccchhhhh. Tuesday was come-to-work-early-for-no-reason and stay in care plan meetings for FIVE HOURS and then start-your-regular-work day. Wednesday was also full of meetings, Thursday had the three inservices plus another several hours of care plans PLUS a christmas dinner-at-lunchtime for ALL residents and most of their families. So Friday I was a madwoman trying to get a week's worth of work done in one day. One of the legally blind residents called after me, "Katie, slow down! I can hear you cutting corners" hahahahaha
Last night there wasn't much on tv and we were too lazy to do anything else so we watched Coyote Ugly on tv................lolol.
Today will be grocery shopping, picking up my atenolol prescription, potentially more cookie-baking, and the McAvoy's christmas party tonight (they used to live behind my parents and now live like 10 minutes away from us). AND I went to Target the other day for some christmas shopping and impulse-bought An American Tail/Fievel Goes West (on one dvd!) for myself. I'll probably con Dan into watching that today too.......once he wakes up. ;) |
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